you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
