never play flip cup with pint glasses
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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