Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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