Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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