Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
