if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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