i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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