guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize