Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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