Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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