He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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