Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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