I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
