its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
