I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
