Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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