then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
