It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
