you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
