Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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