soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
