i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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