the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
