She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
