Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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