i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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