Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Alive.
So much puke
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
