I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize