have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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