This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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