I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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