You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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