Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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