the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
