I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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