I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Randomize