Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I understand Curling. That high.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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