we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
