i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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