i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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