i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
