when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
