well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
NoShamevember. You game?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
