I'm sorry my penis didn't work
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
