Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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