I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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