my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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