I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
