using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
