She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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