i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
