I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
