last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
