How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
