I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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