Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
