If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
