You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
