I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
