My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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