WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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