dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
