Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
either way he was missing a nipple.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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