Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize