yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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