i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My life is pants optional.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
