considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
