Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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