party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
