last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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