i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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